My uncle forwards these (and other things) to me. I think he is on some sort of a mail list. To attempt to give some attribuion, I've left Langston's name in, but I have edited out some of the entries which I didn't feel were "top notch." They appear to be largely lines from well known commedians. Since I don't have a TV, they are all new to *me*. I've got many more which I will put up if anyone shows interest, though getting on Langston's mail list would probably be more effective.

----------------------------

>From: Peter Langston <psl@langston.com>
>Date: Thu, 5 Jun 97 04:55:59 -0700
>To: Fun_People@langston.com
>Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 6-5-97
>Reply-To: psl@acm.org (Peter S. Langston)
>
>Excerpted-from: 6-5-97--ShopTalk
>
> Thursday June 5, 1997
>
> "What seemed like a wonderful idea could explode in your face. Use your
> personality, wit, and charm to cool down a problem. If possible, work
> on diplomacy and peace."
>
> - Tim McVeigh's Horoscope for Monday, June 2, the day he was found
> guilty in the Murrah bombing case. As published in the Denver Post.
>
> &&&&&&&&&&
>
>Fox is going to expand its TV ratings to include the letters "S," "V" and
>"L" to indicate sexual, violent or strong language content. Steve Tatham
>wonders, "How about the warning label 'C' that indicates which shows simply
>have content?"
>
*clip*
>
>Paul Jones vs. Bill Clinton:
>Clinton's attorney said no way will the president issue an apology; however,
>the president is willing to kiss and make up." (Daily Scoop)
>
>"The whole affair is making more people come forward. Today, a woman
>claimed Al Gore once took her to a motel room where he proceeded to loosen
>his tie." (Jay Leno)
>
*clip*
>
>Aging Rockers Department: Bob Dylan was released after being treated for a
>potentially fatal lung infection. "It took awhile for the doctors to
>realize he was ill. Her was wheezing horribly and sounded like he was in
>incredible pain." (Daily Scoop)

-------------------------

>From: Peter Langston <psl@langston.com>
>Date: Tue, 25 Mar 97 01:38:41 -0800
>To: Fun_People@langston.com
>Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 03/25/97
>Reply-To: psl@acm.org (Peter S. Langston)
>
>Excerpted-from: 03/25/97 -- ShopTalk
>
*clip*
>
>A Russian official said that NATO's plans to offer membership to former
>Soviet satellite nations would be 'the West's biggest mistake since the end
>of the Cold War,' says Steve Voldseth. "Assuming, of course, you overlook
>EuroDisney."
>
>The Liggett Group has admitted cigarettes are addictive and cause cancer.
>"Asked for comment, the other tobacco companies denied the existence of the
>Liggett Group." (Cutler Daily Scoop)
>
>In a related story, says Jeff Tipton, "Alcohol producers still deny that
>drinking makes you drunk."
>
>"The Vatican now has its own web page. It's got some neat features. When
>you click "heaven", you are linked to a picture of paradise. When you click
>"hell", you are linked to America OnLine." (Alan Ray)

-------------------------
>Return-Path: psl@langston.com
>From: Peter Langston <psl@langston.com>
>Date: Wed, 5 Mar 97 00:40:22 -0800
>To: Fun_People@langston.com
>Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 03-05-97
>Reply-To: psl@acm.org (Peter S. Langston)
>
>Excerpted-from: 03-05-97-- ShopTalk
>
> Wednesday March 5, 1997
>
> "According to a new survey 60% of adults say they're aware of
> someone who's gone to work under the influence of drugs.
> Apparently the other 40% have never heard of the Dallas
> Cowboys."
> Conan O'Brien
>
> &&&&&&&&&&
>
*clip*
>
>Cloning Update: "The scientists responsible for the first successful cloning
>of a mammal say it took years of trial and error. Which is why you never
>hear songs by Kennys A through F." (Steve Voldseth)
>
>The Roslin lab in Scotland is scheduled for a government budget cut. "But
>that won't have much effect," says Michael X. Ferraro. "Once you've cloned
>sheep, it's not that difficult to counterfeit money."
>
>Scientists in Oregon say they have cloned a monkey. "This technique has
>just been perfected," says Easley. "In the 60s when they created adult
>monkeys, they were only bad clones of the Beatles."
>
*clip*
>
>The 25th Iditarod 1,150-mile dog sled race began Sunday in Alaska. "The
>rules say participants must start with a maximum of 16 dogs and end with at
>least five- not at all unlike the NBA." (Jerry Perisho)
>
>Government as Usual: The White House freed $250 million to promote a new
>sex education program. "It teaches marital fidelity," says Argus Hamilton.
>"It sure gets expensive when Bill Clinton and Dick Morris start theorizing."
>
>Yasser Arafat is visiting the White House. Says Brian J. Hill, "First, the
>guy has to share his land, now he has to share the Lincoln Bedroom with some
>businessman from Cleveland."
>
>"GOP leaders have returned from that bash in Palm Beach for donors of
>$175,000," says Hamilton. "Last Year, Congress promised to do something
>about special-interest contributions. What they have decided to do is
>deposit them."
>
*clip*

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